How to talk to another mom about her child's behavior?

I got so many great reponses to my earlier question about a friend%26#039;s child who is bullying my 4 yr old daughter in preschool. Almost everyone suggested that I talk to the friend (bully%26#039;s mom) about it. How do I do that? What do I say? I%26#039;ve never been in this type of situation before, and I%26#039;m trying to think of what my reaction would be if the shoe were on the other foot, but I%26#039;m having a hard time being objective. Advice?

How to talk to another mom about her child%26#039;s behavior?
Most parents will never want to admit to you, let alone themselves, that there is anything wrong with their child that they or you should be concerned about.





Most parents think their children are %26quot;perfect angels%26quot;, and while they are out shopping , and not staying home with their children and raising them properly, they think their children can do no harm. It%26#039;s quite the contrary, isn%26#039;t it?





I am single, never been married, no kids. Every day that I am out and about someone%26#039;s child annoys me.


I have been known to go right up to that parent and say something. Because I can. Because I am a shopper, not an employee or manager of a store and afraid to offend a parent. And because they have it coming to them!





I think the best way is the direct way.


Perhaps in your case, you could present it in such a way that you are making a suggestion on how to remedy the situation, rather than criticize the parent. Your situation may be different if you have a lot of contact with these parents.





Just don%26#039;t allow your children to play with their children. You don%26#039;t want their bad behavior to rub off on your child as acceptable. Maybe they%26#039;ll get the message in that way.
Reply:The way I have handled sticky sit. is to ask the other person how they would handled it . Something Like. %26quot; W hat would you do, if your child was being bullied by a friends child?%26quot; Listen to their answer,then I would ask %26quot; How do I talk to them without making them mad? Or would they think it would be better to speak to the child? ( kindly of course) %26quot; again listen to their answer. Then I would ask them. %26quot; If it were your child would you want me to tell you?%26quot; Depending on their answers, I would either tell them nicely or I would start to keep my child away from theirs, even if that is keeping your child right by you when you are with them. If the second one is what must happen, when they ask me why, I would tell them %26quot; It was your child I was speaking to about. And it sounded to me by what you said this would be better for everyone.%26quot; If they get angery with you ,say something like, %26quot; I thought you cared also for my child, like I care about yours!%26quot; This has worked for me before in lots of sit.. Good Luck!!!!
Reply:Just be honest. Say to her something like:





Hey Insert mom;s name here, can I just talk to you quickly? You know, you son is such a cute, energetic little guy that I am worried he might intimidate my daughter a bit when they are together. Do you think you could talk to him about toning down some when playing with her? We all just want them to have good, clean, honest fun and I would hate it if he got the wrong impression. I don%26#039;t want his feelings to be hurt b/c my daughter would come across as not wanting to play with him b/c she is a little nervous and feels overwhelmed. I did tell her that all kids play differently and some more aggressive then others (and DO have that conversation with her) but it would just make me feel a lot better if you could let him know that he is a little too aggressive around my daughter -- she is the stereotypical delicate flower (Kind of laugh about it). We just love little (insert name here) and want him to have the best time.





Keep it upbeat and playful -- that you are concerned for his feelings....
Reply:Just tell the mom honestly - %26quot;I%26#039;m really uncomfortable having to bring this up, but for whatever reason my daughter feels uncomfortable with your child. (and the wording above is okay, although don%26#039;t oversell the %26quot;delicate%26quot; nature of your daughter, then the other mom might just think she is over sensitive. I think it is a little overkill, I think less is more)





But I%26#039;d also ask %26quot;Do you think we could arrange a park playdate together so they can get to know each other on a friendlier basis.%26quot;





Then see how the park playdate goes. If he continues to bully her in front of the mom, then she%26#039;ll see it and hopefully address it. If they get along great, perhaps this is the first step in solving the problem. If he bullies her and mom does nothing then you%26#039;ll have to decide how to handle it. (Personally, since I used to teach and am not afraid to correct other kids, I%26#039;d say to the boy - Johnny, Sally doesn%26#039;t like it when you do that, why don%26#039;t you....instead. After hearing that a few times hopefully mom will step up)





And do talk to your daughter and make sure she isn%26#039;t being sensitive, and that she has the skills to handle someone like that without being mean herself.





Good Luck



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