How do you deal with this when your child visits other parent?

My daughter is 6 years old and I%26#039;m still having issues with her dad not bringing things home after the weekend, like clothing items, etc. Something is always missing. And it%26#039;s usually the most needed things like new shoes (because she just grew a size and she only has one pair that fits for now), in the winter it was snowpants which she needs for school, or even her school uniform, which she%26#039;ll be wearing if he picks her up from school! I know the easy answer would be to stop sending clothes with her but if I don%26#039;t she looks trashy and raggedy. How do you get the other parent to see the importance of remembering to return things, brushing the child%26#039;s hair, making sure they change underwear and socks, etc. He doesn%26#039;t put any effort in her appearance because he thinks people understand that %26quot;she%26#039;s with her dad%26quot;. She%26#039;s 6 years old now and I%26#039;ve been on her case to be more responsible but I%26#039;m getting tired of being upset with her when she comes home from her weekend with her dad. Any ideas?

How do you deal with this when your child visits other parent?
Well, I don%26#039;t have kids, but my parents were divorced and I know all about going from one parents house to another. I would first of all try not to get angry with your daughter. It%26#039;s hard enough having to go from one set of rules to another let alone having to remember all the stuff you brought with you! She%26#039;s still really young and it should be her father%26#039;s responsibility to make sure she has those things. You might want to try sending a checklist with her or better yet, pick her up from her father%26#039;s house yourself to make sure she has everything. Even though you might not get along very well, it%26#039;s good for her to see that you two can converse with one another.
Reply:Make a list with everything that has to be done and brought back and give your daughter an incentive for getting it all done. like take her out somewhere fun if its all complete when she comes back that way she will be pushy to get it done while at her dads. and he doesn%26#039;t put effort in her appearance because he is a guy. duh ! lol


good luck
Reply:A day , without troubles, take him and talk with. Very important


is the interest you demostrate in your baby life.





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Reply:she%26#039;s only six you can%26#039;t expect her to have a lot of responsibility. Talk to her dad
Reply:You can%26#039;t. Don%26#039;t send anything to his house you expect to get back. He won%26#039;t do it cuz they%26#039;re all losers
Reply:Use the money he gives you for child support to buy new stuff. After all he does pay that for her well being.
Reply:sole custody
Reply::[
Reply:tell him that you won%26#039;t let her visit him if he doesn%26#039;t wise up.
Reply:hook back up
Reply:Consider shopping at some resale children%26#039;s boutiques or at the local assistance ministries%26#039; shops.


Send her to her dad%26#039;s with the %26quot;seconds%26quot; so that if they get left behind, it won%26#039;t matter as much.


Otherwise, you are faced with going over to the dad%26#039;s and hunting these items down.


Another possibility... get the kid a bigger suitcase and have her put the dirties on one side and the clean stuff on the other side throughout her stay. Everything she isn%26#039;t wearing has to go into the suitcase.
Reply:since dad is so irresponsible...make a game of it for your daughter.


make a list and put in her bag.





1. bath------


2. hair


3. clean clothes


4. dirty clothes put in bag.


5. school uniform


6. books


7. shoes


8. coats..snowpants


9. toys


10. notes from school





then reward her each week that all of the list is complete...you can make your own list..this was just an idea.


as far as her clothing..send her only in what she has on and one change..don%26#039;t over send.


then tell him the clothes have to be washed to send her back home in...no more lost clothing anyway.





another thing you could do is buy a cell phone for her to use (they have one for children where they can only call the numbers put in the phone....like from wal-mart)..then call 1 hour before time for them to leave and ask if what you sent is in her bag....go down a list to be sure...cause children will say yes and not check unless you ask them specifically what item you are talking about.


I feel a cell would be great anyway..in case of an emergency....she could call you at any time.


God bless and really hope this works for you and take pressure off your daughter.


.
Reply:i imagine this is very frustrating... and just b/c he pays child support doesn%26#039;t mean that you should have to buy two of everything... if talking to him hasn%26#039;t changed anything what about calling him before he brings her home to remind him of the important items. maybe you could talk to her on the phone right before they leave and ask her if she has a particular item. do you have a real summer where you live?? that way you can send her with some flip-flops (cheaper than shoes) and maybe less expensive tops and shorts. and just remember that she will get older and in a few years will have an easier time remembering what she took there so she can bring it back home. good luck!!





you shouldn%26#039;t be upset with her... she is too young to be expected to remember everything you send with her... when she gets home go put water on your face, take a deep breath and remember that one day this will pass :)
Reply:How about check before you leave from picking her up. Or if he is bringing her back call ahead and make sure she has everything packed.


Or I would just make him have shoes and clothes that are at his house and have things at my house so that there is no leaving anything behind.


Try not to be upset with her she can not help she has two house to live at.


I would try a check list for dad and your daughter so they both can check things off once its packed in her bag.


Remember your ex could just be doing this to upset you and in return your taking out on your daughter.
Reply:love them in their eyez





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